the stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun, can you read my mind?

[straightontilmorning]

Jim didn't do well with nothing to do. Reading books, watching holos, bugging her crew, hustling them at pool, beating them up (and being beat up in turn) in the name of improving their fighting skills - they all served as distractions, but in the end she went to bed, slept fitfully, and faced another day to fill with inanities when she woke up.

And avoiding Helen, fighting with herself about whether or not to talk to her. At any given time, she could tell you what was on the doctor's schedule for the day, both for being conveniently out of the way and in it. She had a few extremely awkward conversations with Helen, and she hated it. More than anything else, this was what she truly abhorred about her time on Tantalus: that he had so easily reached into her head and twisted her emotions around, made her believe she was in love when she was really just reacting to false memories he'd instructed her mind to create.

She wasn't quite sure how, but somehow sleeplessness and restlessness had brought her to Spock's door. After a moment of hesitation, she pressed the door chime. With any luck, she wouldn't be waking him up.

Comments

[verystubbornman.livejournal.com]

We hesheSpockJim

do not trust him.

Main Entry: san·i·ty
Pronunciation: \ˈsa-nə-tē\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English sanite, from Anglo-French sanité, from Latin sanitat-, sanitas health, sanity, from sanus healthy, sane

: the quality or state of being sane; especially : soundness or health of mind

Statement: Dr. Adams did not have a healthy state of mind, thus he is unable to produce sanity in others.

[kirk-it.livejournal.com]

The concept is weighed, considered carefully from every angle, a proof constructed. from a logical/illogical angle perspective being, it makes

you believe in me completely

sense.

[verystubbornman.livejournal.com]

But Jim was not a logical being, not most of the time. There were emotions attached to that trust, which were difficult for Spock to deal with.

He did know, however, how Jim would feel, really feel about what had been done to her.

anger upset take back what's ours our thoughts we are people not animals

Carefully reigned, not allowed to grow more than this, enough to make one stubborn, not enough to hurt.

[kirk-it.livejournal.com]

(No.)

She held onto the logic like a life raft, solid and buoying, separating her from the hurt

(pain is just pain. it's only physical, it can't touch her.)

she didn't want to feel.

[verystubbornman.livejournal.com]

He, of all people, could not argue with that, so when the emotions released, there was relief.

Where?

Asking himself, asking her, where next?

[kirk-it.livejournal.com]

An echo, yes no yes:

would you like a treatment?

[verystubbornman.livejournal.com]

No.

[kirk-it.livejournal.com]

yes no yes

(no room for doubt, make the decision)

[verystubbornman.livejournal.com]

Could not let that string go. Had to follow it deeper

deeper

deeper

Identify source. Deconstruct.

[kirk-it.livejournal.com]

into the rabbit hole we go (do cats eat bats?

...do bats eat cats?)

It's deep programming, firmly lodged in layers of uncertainty and (sometimes they are five. sometimes they are three. sometimes they are all of them at once. you must try harder.
it is not easy to become sane.)

pain.

[verystubbornman.livejournal.com]

Everything can be reprogrammed.

Everything.

Just have to

spl

it

the code, find out what's wrong, what's diverting the flow of information.

Problem solving is what they are both good at.

[kirk-it.livejournal.com]

Deeper,

deeper.

Memories blur, over time. They mesh and become faded, like old paper photographs. Old nightmares become new ones

(therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death.)

(blood flows so strangely in zero go)

and childhood terrors blend seamlessly into adult horrors. At the heart of it

(everytime it beat, it pumped blood out of a tear in its side)

cocooned in a tangle of emotion

(rising panic and darkness oh god oh god she couldn't move couldn't breathe)

at the heart of it.